


Hounded

by thefilthiestpiglet



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Body Horror, Body mutilation, Cuddles, HYDRA Trash Party, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Suicidal Thoughts, and evil rapey HYDRA dude, bucky with major self blame issues, everything ends up all right, i'm serious about the gore guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:26:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8358994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefilthiestpiglet/pseuds/thefilthiestpiglet
Summary: For this trashmeme prompt, but edited quite a bit from the posted fill.  All the body mutiliation stuff is in the first chapter, but you can skip it and just pretend that Bucky got turned into a dog by magic or some such.  Chapter 1: In which Bucky gets slowly turned into a dog, the horrible and painful way.Chapter 2: In which Steve raids a base on his search for Bucky and finds a dog.Chapter 3: In which Bucky drinks beer and enjoys bedtime conversations.As usual, pictures where relevant.





	1. Awake

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't even know, guys. /o\
> 
> Final word of warning -- I usually write Buckys who are finding good ways to cope. Since this is set post-CA:CW, that is not this Bucky.
> 
> Also, did I mention body mutilation? Doggification is not a fun process. :/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky gets slowly turned into a dog, the horrible and painful way.

He was supposed to wake up in a brightly lit room in Wakanda. He was supposed to wake up to Steve telling him that they found a solution to the trigger words embedded deep in his mind. He was supposed to wake up to the certainty that he won't be a threat to innocent people anymore.

(Or he was supposed to not wake up at all.)

Instead he wakes up flat on his back, staring at a HYDRA logo on the dimly lit ceiling. If it weren't for the fact that his entire body is still numb from the thaw, he'd probably already be up and out the door. Instead, he stares at the ceiling and tries to still his pounding heart. They probably don't have Steve -- if they did, they wouldn't bother with him. (And as long as Steve's okay, Bucky knows his priorities: run.) Bucky takes a deep breath. He can do this: they haven't used the trigger words, and they haven't wiped him. He's short an arm, but once he's thawed a bit more he can still fight with his right. At least fight well enough to run. (Find a safe house. Disappear. He's done it for two years, he can keep running. Live a non-threatening life. Keep Steve safe from him.) 

"Good to see you awake," says a vaguely familiar voice. Bucky searches his memory. There was a young doctor in the 90s... What was the doctor's name? Something Echols. He was very interested in Bucky's enhanced healing abilities, and wanted to try cutting off one of his pinkies to see if it'll grow back. Director Pierce had vetoed his proposal. And all the other ones that he'd submitted over the years. Bucky knew this, because one of his less odious tasks during that time was kneeling under Pierce's desk, keeping the Secretary's cock warm while he did HYDRA paperwork. That was back when he had a left arm, and was HYDRA's perfect weapon. Pierce took good care of his weapons.

Now he is neither.

The doctor came into view above the flat table that Bucky is laid on, tapping on a tablet. "Thank you for making yourself easy to acquire, Mr. Barnes." Bucky ignored him and tested his bonds as his limbs regained sensation, only to discover -- he can't feel anything holding him down. Well, then. Echols is a fool. He makes to flip off the table, knock down Echols, and make a run for the door. 

Instead he falls flat on his face. He miscalculated his ... everything. Somehow. Echols takes a few steps back and looks on with mild interest. Bucky moves to push himself off the floor, and almost falls back down when he catches sight of his hand: each finger is missing the first two joints, and his thumb is gone completely. What's left is a grotesque paw-like parody of a hand.

  


At least I'll never have to pull a trigger again, he thinks, before the horror of what they'd done sunk in. They took his hand. Somehow that's worse than losing an entire left arm. Even if he gets out of here, what can he do? He can't hide, not like this. He pulls his legs under him, to get up, to run away, except the weight's wrong, and he knows before he looks: his legs end at his knees.

The panic and horror is so overwhelming that he throws aways decades of painful conditioning and starts to yell and scream --

But even that comes out wrong, and he realizes with a choked gasp that they'd cut out his tongue. The noises leaving his mouth sound feral as he gasps and howls. He wobbles on his legs and his vision starts getting fuzzy. He can't. He can't he can't--

Above him, Echol says with pity in his voice, "Yes, unfortunately we had to amputate -- I'd have liked to run some experiments beforehand, but, well, our lab isn't designed to hold supersoldiers. So my assistant suggested that," and here his voice took on a pleased turn. "'Since we don't have the resources to modify the lab, we just have to modify the supersoldier'."

He gives Bucky a kick to his flank and Bucky topples.

\-----

He knows they put medicine in his food and water, but he still eats anyway. It helps dull the pain of the various surgeries and experiments, and keeps his head fuzzy so that he doesn't have to think about the sight he must be -- scrabbling across the floor on three truncated limbs, crouching down to lap at his bowl like a dog.

Jared put the name Betsy on his food and water bowls. Jared also got him a collar, and assured him that it said Betsy, too. Bucky can't see it, but he can hear the attached bell jingle every time he moves. As the lab assistant, Jared is responsible for making sure Bucky gets fed. And if Bucky didn't respond to the name Betsy, Jared would fly into a rage and kick him in the ribs or withhold his food and water. Threatened to cut off more of him.

Jared also likes to fuck him. For doing something right. For doing something wrong. For no particular reason.

He'd resisted, at first. He'd resisted everything -- the food, the water. (Better to just die than just live as a medical playtoy.) But they just picked him up and maneuvered him to the operating table. Stuffed a food pipe down his throat. Stuffed whatever they wanted anywhere. He couldn't stop them. He couldn't stop anything. All he could do was wave his limbs around.

He tries not to think about it too much, so instead he eats the drugged food and hopes the opiates kick in before Jared comes back from the bathroom. 

What kicks in first is his bladder. With a sigh, Bucky heaves himself up from his sitting position and slinks over to his litter box. He hates this part the most. When he's sitting or lying down, he can pretend he still had the entirety of his limbs. And even when he's eating from the food bowl, well, sometimes Secretary Pierce liked to play games. But this. Crawling into the grit of the litter box, carefully positioning himself that he didn't touch any of the previous poop. And then, because he can't hold his own penis, he has to lift a leg to get the proper angle so that it doesn't just run down his thigh. It's humiliating.

"Enjoy that while it lasts, Betsy," comes a gruff chuckle from behind him. "Next up is making you a proper bitch." Bucky closes his eyes and wills the opiates to kick in. It doesn't work. Instead, all he gets is a gruff kick to his side that throws him askew in the litter box. He now has poop all over his left side, and urine splattered everything.

Jared laughs, then says in mock surprise. "Betsy, you filthy animal!" He jams his hand into Bucky's collar and starts yanking. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." He half-drags Bucky over to the other corner of the lab, where there is a water hose.

After he is hosed down, Jared then sticks the hose up Bucky's butt. Bucky shoots a look at the door. Of course Jared's locked it when he came in. Simple round doorknob with a simple button lock. And yet, impossible with one arm and no opposable thumbs. Stuck here with Jared. 

After the crude enema, Jared starts tugging Bucky to him by his legs, one hand on each knee joint. Bucky's bell jingles with ever tug, even as he tries to fight against it with his hand. But there's nothing he can grab onto with his stubs. "All right, Betsy, how about a thank-you for me getting you clean?" Bucky doesn't even bother pointing out that Jared's the one who got him dirty in the first place: Jared would just laugh at his barky noises.

As Jared unzips, Bucky closes his eyes and tries to relax his ass. Hopefully the medicine will kick in soon.

It was really foolish of him, to think that his life could be for anything else than to be used by HYDRA.

  


The infernal bell jingles with Jared's every thrust.

\---

In the end, he's the one who begs for it. 

After Echols removed his penis and balls, Jared then convinced him to add a vagina. Echols loved the chance to try advanced tissue grafts. After that, Jared took to leaving a dog tail plugged in his ass and fucking his vagina. "You're such a good lay now, Betsy," he'd say. And if Bucky didn't whine appropriately, Jared would tweak his nipples and say "What, you don't like your master anymore? Come on, be a good dog and bark for me." And it didn't matter what Bucky in response -- without his tongue, everything sounded like barks.

Doctor Echols only cared about doing more experiments. At least Jared wasn't allowed to fuck him when he is on the operating table.

When the idea came to him, he was just waking up from a pleasant dream where he was tromping through some snowy woods with a hunting dog (if only more dreams didn't involve the jingle of the bell, Jared's voice, or Steve's disappointed eyes). The idea made a sick sort of sense. If he were a real dog, and not this current monstrosity -- well, real dogs have claws and sharp teeth. Real dogs could leap and not just crawl. At the very least, it'd take many many operations, and that would be time that Jared would be on good behavior. And if Echols botches an operation ... well, anything would be a step up from his current situation.

What cinches the idea, though, is Jared. This morning, Jared is getting one last fuck in before Echol's operation to enhance Bucky's hearing. He planned on doing something inside Bucky's ear, but Bucky's long stopped caring about the details -- what's one more deformity, after all? He's counting down the number of bell jingles before he'll have a respite from Jared, when Echols asks, with mild distaste in his voice, "Jared, you don't, um... do that with real dogs, do you?"

Even over the sound of the jingling bell Bucky could hear the disgust in Jared's voice. "Ew, I ain't no animal fucker, doc." 

Well, then. Maybe it's worth a shot.

When Jared pulls out his tail plug to fuck him in the ass, Bucky whines and wiggles his butt. Jared chuckles. "What, you miss your tail, Betsy? Wanna get a proper dog tail? Be a proper dog?" He nods. Jared frowns. "That's not how dogs beg, Betsy. If you wanna be a proper dog, you gotta behave like one."

And so Bucky gets on his hind legs as best he could, raises his front paw in supplication, jingles his bell, and barks.

  


\---

The operations took a few months: There were the operations to give him dog ears and tail. There was one operation to replace his leg bones with proper dog bone structure, and realign and reattach the muscles. When that succeeded, they did the same with his arms, even giving him a simple prosthetic for his left front leg. Then came the paws, which involved linking actual dog paws to the right bundles of nerves. They also injected him with some follicular stimulant that let his hair and claws grow long.

And through it all, Jared couldn't fuck him because of all the operations. As he laid curled up on the operating table, Bucky tested his claws, and waited.

Finally, it was time for the series of complicated procedures where Echols would use metal rods to extend his jaw structure, implant sharp dog teeth, and cover everything with transplanted skin. Soon, Bucky told himself when they put him under. Soon he will be ready to bite back. 

When he wakes from the operation, however, his jaws are firmly clamped in a harsh metal muzzle. And he is firmly secured to the corner of the room next to the litter box with a heavy collar and chain.

No. No no no no. Bucky whines and the noises come out weird because he has a snout now, and the lips don't work the same.

Jared came in. "Hey Betsy," he says with a smirk as he tugs at Bucky's hind legs. Bucky tries to claw at the floor but they'd also trimmed his claws while he was under. The bell jingles. Jared chuckles. "Didn't think I'd let you get away with those sharp bits of yours, eh?" When Jared starts unzipping his pants, Bucky can't help another miserable whine. Jared said he didn't fuck dogs. He lied he lied he lied.

  


"Let me see that cute pussy of yours, Betsy. So much better than a real dog." Jared's penis hovered at the entrance. "Or should I go with the ass? I've been wanting to fuck that since the Doc added the tail, you mutt."

No, he's a dog now, not... Bucky sighs. Who's he kidding? He's still a deformity, just a dog-shaped one. A HYDRA experiment since 1945. The only difference is that he's no longer masquerading as a human. At least he's not being sent to hurt people anymore. And if he's the only casualty of this ... well, he knows exactly what he's worth.

He closes his eyes and tries to relax his ass. Focuses on the jingling of the bell.

And then the door gets kicked in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it gets better. Opposable thumbs are overrated.


	2. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve raids a base on his search for Bucky and finds a dog.

Steve kicks down another door, only to find a supplies closet full of medical implements. And with that, he was done. No more rooms in this small HYDRA facility.

Dammit. He'd thought this time for sure. Guess even Natasha has wrong intel sometimes. But still, Steve can't help yelling out "Bucky? You here?" as he holsters his gun.

He hears an answering whine and a bell jingle from a nearby room. Oh yeah, there's that dog. It was the largest room in the facility, and he'd kicked down the door fully expecting Bucky strapped to a chair having his brains zapped, but instead it was some disgusting HYDRA guy fucking some poor muzzled mutt. He'd just dispatched the guy and moved on, looking for the chair, or some reenforced prison cell -- any sign that Bucky had been there.

But who was he kidding -- this was a small lab facility, they can't hold Bucky here. It wasn't even on his radar of places to hit before Natasha's intel.

Steve sighs and goes to see the dog. Should probably unmuzzle the poor mutt and let it run free. Then it's onto the next facility on the list. Maybe he'll grab some hot dogs at a gas station along the way. When was the last time he ate? 

Steve's briefly distracted from his plans by the happy noises that the dog is making: It's straining at the end of its chain toward him, bell on its collar jingling in excitement.

"Whoa there, calm down doggo, I'm gonna free you in a sec." Something in its eyes changes at Steve's words, and it squats down, suddenly crestfallen.

Steve approaches and squats down to pull open its muzzle and yank off its chain. Also the rather annoying bell on its collar. It's a big fluffy dog, and now that he's close, he can see "Betsy" on the collar tag. As well as thin scars showing through the sleek brown fur. Her left leg was a black plastic prosthetic leg that reached all the way up into her shoulder, where its end was buried in her fur. Poor gal, looks like HYDRA's abuse doesn't stop with people. (Like those failed serum recipients he found in base #53.)

Steve reaches over and scritches her behind the ears, and says softly, "Hey Betsy. You're free now."

Betsy just whines and turns away from Steve. She's probably so confused right now -- maybe she was raised by HYDRA from a pup and never knew anything different. Steve scans the room, and sees a food and water bowl in the opposite corner, where the chain couldn't reach. HYDRA bastards. Betsy's probably starving. He gets up and brings over the bowls.

Betsy sniffs the food bowl and does a very human-like sigh, and then moves to drink from the water bowl. She plunges her snout into the bowl a few times, each time in increasing confusion and panic, and then starts making this hacking howl-whine.

"Hey girl. Hey, it's okay." Steve puts gentle steadying hands on her and turns her head to face him. "What's wrong?" The dog seems to be hyperventilating, eyes wide, mouth open and breathing fast. 

And that's when Steve sees it: Betsy has no tongue. Steve feels the wave of anger rising out of his chest. Good thing he's already killed everyone in this facility. This must have been a recent thing HYDRA did to her, that she's only discovering now. Steve looks around the room once more, and suddenly the operating table and bags of saline solution takes on new horrid significance.

But being angry and punching everything doesn't help Betsy, who is now whining and sniveling into his shoulder. "Shhh, Betsy, let's try something different, all right?" He gently pets her smooth mane with one hand, and with the other, reaches into his bag and takes out his water bottle. "You think you can drink from this?"

Betsy turns to look at the bottle, and stills, suddenly focused. She carefully opens her mouth and closes it around the opening of the bottle. And slowly, slowly, Steve tips its contents into her mouth, gulp by gulp.

After the drink, Betsy sighs in relief and nuzzles Steve in thanks. Steve pats her in return. "Hey, no problem, pal. We both know HYDRA is shit."

Then, suddenly, Betsy starts walking around the room, back and forth. Not wandering about sniffing at curious smells, not running about in excitement: pacing. As if she's thinking, and thinking hard.

What an odd, adorable dog. Steve shakes his head and moves to pack his bag and get up. The next HYDRA base is a 12 hour drive away. But if he leaves now and drives all night, he might be able to make it by 5am. 

And just as suddenly, Betsy is by his side, eyeing Steve. Steve takes a few steps, and Betsy follows, like a shadow.

"What? You wanna come with me, don't you?" Steve asks, bemusement slipping into his voice.

Betsy nods, solemnly.

He... supposes that he can take Betsy along. The dog's pretty smart. With the missing tongue, she's going to need human help, and Steve can't exactly go drop her off at the nearest humane society, what with the fact that he's not supposed to be in this country. But he's taking down HYDRA bases, and he doesn't know when he'll stop (he doesn't know when he'll find Bucky.)

Steve crouches back down to Betsy's eye level. "Hey girl. I can take you with me, but... there's going to be bullets. And bad guys, of the type that hurt you. We'd be traveling a lot -- won't be going home in a while. Would you be all right with that?"

Betsy's response was to put her front legs on Steve's knees and nuzzle Steve's cheek. Then she stands back on all fours and barks once, expectant.

"Well then," Steve slings his bag on his shoulder and checks his gun at his belt. "What are we waiting for?"

\----

Betsy is sitting calmly in the passenger seat, quietly contemplating the miles of the Utah salt flats passing by outside the window, and Steve can't help a small smile. It's only been a week, but it's been good, having Betsy along.

He's had to stop more frequently, of course -- Betsy's not a supersoldier, and needs regular feeding and sleep -- but Steve can excuse being a bit late to the next base on the list. After all, what's an hour or half a day, compared to the four months that Bucky's been missing? (Or the 70 years?) And the more frequent stops has meant that Steve's been eating and sleeping more regularly as well, which he didn't realize he'd been skipping out on. Plus, when he's ripping off bits of french toast (or whatever he's having) and alternately feeding himself and Betsy, it briefly quiets the mantra in his head that screams "you failed Bucky you failed Bucky you failed Bucky." Steve's pretty sure that Sam would approve of these brief respites, and he hopes that Bucky would forgive him, as well.

Steve checks his GPS. If he stops at the next town, they'd both get plenty of sleep and still make it to the next HYDRA base by noon tomorrow. Betsy's been surprisingly helpful in taking down HYDRA bases as well -- she's preternaturally good at avoiding HYDRA bullets, and has taken down guys with a single well-aimed pounce. Between that and the fact that Steve's been more efficient now that he's getting more regular sleep, maybe Bucky'll approve of Steve's small indulgences with Betsy.

He pulls up to the small motel and they get a room. The manager doesn't give them a second glance -- Captain America isn't a grungy unshaven guy in flannel and trailed by a large dog. Steve once again wishes that Sam could come along, but they'd attract too much attention. And it's better that Sam is staying to work out the new accords with Tony, Rhodey, and T'Challa. No, it was his job to keep Bucky safe, and now it's his job to get Bucky back. He has to do this solo. Well, with Betsy.

In their room, Steve feeds Betsy some water from a bottle, and then shares a bag of vending machine popcorn with her. At first, Steve'd gotten her dog food, but Betsy seems to prefer human food. And since she hasn't gotten sick from it, Steve figured it's easier for the both of them. 

Then they both settle in for the night. For Steve, that means studying the map of the HYDRA base they're hitting tomorrow and crossing off the one that they hit today (#112 out of 385). Then he staves off the fear that they'll kill Bucky before he finds the right base by scrubbing his clothes in the sink. For Betsy, that means looking on at Steve's planning with a bemused doggy interest, and then carefully maneuvering her large body onto the toilet in order to relieve herself. It's a complex process, given her size and her prosthetic. Steve briefly remembers that there was a litter box in the room where he'd found Betsy -- where did she learn to use a toilet? But before that thought went anywhere, Betsy's nosing under his hand, looking for head scritches.

Scratching Betsy's head distracts Steve from the sick knot of worry in his stomach, at least enough to fold up the map and go to bed.

And then, he has The Nightmare for the first time since getting Betsy.

Bucky's falling to pieces, and he's just looking on, doing nothing. First Bucky's left arm breaks just above the elbow and starts bleeding. Then his right arm goes completely missing and is replaced by a stub. Then there is a gut wound. Then one of Bucky's ears goes missing. Someone is screaming, but it can't be him, because he's just standing there, looking and doing nothing. HYDRA's taking Bucky piece by piece but he's not doing anything because he doesn't care. He knows he should care, it's Bucky. And a part of him knows that this is a nightmare and that when he wakes up he's going to throw on his shirt and backpack and drive to the next base and then keep going until he drives himself to exhaustion. But in the nightmare, he just watches impassively while Bucky is slowly ripped apart into nothing.

At least, that's how the nightmare usually goes goes. This time, Bucky talks before more of his limbs and organs go missing. "Hey, it's okay. What's wrong, Steve?"

"I'm sorry, Bucky. I didn't do anything. I couldn't catch you and I didn't look for you and I left you and now you're dead and it's all my fault."

"It's okay, Steve. I'm not dead. It's okay." Bucky's voice is a low rumble.

"But they have you. HYDRA. Again. All because I left you alone to go have a talk with Tony. I shouldn't have left you alone. And now they have you and are cutting you to pieces, and I've done nothing."

Bucky doesn't respond for a long time, and the fear returns. Bucky hates him. Bucky's dead. Bucky blames him for everything. Steve starts crying, big heaving sobs. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I'm so sorry. I should have been there. I should have tried harder. Please don't die. Please." He hasn't cried like this since Bucky fell off the train.

"Hey Steve, it's okay. You're already trying hard enough." And Steve would cry from the joy of hearing Bucky's voice again, except that he's still gulping for breath from his sobs. "I'm not dead. I'm safe. HYDRA doesn't have me anymore." Bucky reaches out and touches Steve's shoulder, and suddenly he's whole again and wearing the blue jacket from the war. "And how can I hate you? You're my best guy."

Steve smiles and leans into the touch. A part of him knows that this is as much a fantasy as much as the nightmare, but it's enough to keep him sleeping until morning.

When he wakes up, he finds that some time in the night, Betsy has moved to sleep next to him on the bed, and has laid her head on his shoulder. That was probably the touch that his dream interpreted as Bucky. Steve scritches her head and smiles. "Up and at'em, Betsy. We've got another HYDRA base to hit."

But first: breakfast. The mantra in his head hasn't been this quiet in a long time, and maybe Steve can indulge in some bacon. 

\---

"Your dog is weird." Clint says. And it's true. Now that he sees Betsy next to Lucky, he notices all the odd behavior that he'd taken to be normal. The way that Betsy doesn't run after stray balls or squirrels. Nor does she greet people by sniffing or stop to mark her territory. Clint is scratching Lucky's belly as he rolls around in the grass, while Betsy sits neatly beside Steve and looks on in a bemused way. 

"Well, I saved her from a HYDRA facility. They cut out her tongue and she had all sorts of surgery scars. So maybe HYDRA did something weird to her."

"Maybe. She just doesn't behave much like a dog." Clint says this just as Betsy decides to bend down, gently grip her bottle of water with her mouth, tip her head back and drink.

  


Okay, yeah, that's kind of a weird move for a dog. Betsy seems to hear this, because she looks over and snorts indignantly. Then she very deliberately gets up, pads over to a nearby tree, and pees. Like a dog. And like Steve's never seen her do before. It's as if ...

"Anyway." Clint throws a stick and Lucky's off like a shot. And suddenly Steve realizes that his entire body is tense from chasing the vague forms of a thought ... "You're looking good, Steve. Better than the last time you passed through."

That was two months ago. A month before meeting Betsy, Steve'd driven through after taking down 3 HYDRA bases in 48 sleepless hours. Collapsed in the barn and slept for 12 hours, woke up cursing for having overslept, grabbed a quick lunch with Clint, and then headed out again. Clint had been worried enough that he called Natasha. Who then gave him the bad tip a few weeks later. 

"Well, Betsy's been a good influence." He nods towards the dog, who has just walked purposefully into the woods at the edge of Clint's property. She'll probably return with some animal. Steve's seen her do this to HYDRA goons -- she'd wait in the shadows, silent and focused, before leaping out in a sudden explosive burst of energy, almost like ... "I've been eating and sleeping more. More efficient at taking down HYDRA bases, too. She seems to know the floor plans of a number of them." He'd destroyed a lot of electric chairs, but all of them dusty from disuse. Bucky's still nowhere to be found. Although...

"It's more than just getting enough sleep." Clint observes. "You seem... calmer."

"My sleep has been *better.*" Steve says as half his brain stays chasing that previous thought. "Betsy's been sleeping with me and I haven't had many nightmares since." In fact, lately his nightmares have been turning into these nice dreams where he's back in Brooklyn, small again, hanging out and shooting the shit with Bucky. Exchanging jokes. Reminiscing. As if Bucky's right there next to him...

Steve stands up abruptly as the thought finally coalesces. It doesn't make sense, but at the same time it would explain so much. But why would Bucky... 

Clint raises an eyebrow. "Steve?"

"I... I think Betsy is..." Just then, the subject in question re-emerges from the woods, a juicy quail in his jaws. Steve frowns. "um... I'll get back to you on that." Wouldn't want him to overhear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pronoun change! *jazz hands*
> 
> (Also: many profound apologies for all the characters I cut out of this story to make it easier to handle.)


	3. Bedtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky drinks beer and enjoys bedtime conversations.

Bucky scoots a bit closer to the fireplace at the Bartons' and carefully takes a swig of beer. Now that the kids are asleep, they're all lounging in the living room, telling stories. Well, Laura is telling a story about using her CIA training to retrieve a frisbee caught in a tall pine. Bucky is exempt because dogs aren't expected to tell stories. Instead, he enjoys his beer -- it's rare enough that Steve's stopping for a whole day at one place, and drinking from the glass bottle isn't that much harder than drinking from a plastic water bottle. And Barton has good taste in beer.

Bucky's... well, not happy, per se. But content. Even though he's still a dog, he's no longer trapped in that room with Jared and Echols. And as a dog, he can move through the world again, even more undetected than back in Bucharest. It's all he's wanted, really: to live what life he could without bothering anyone. 

Best of all, he can do it while traveling with Steve and helping him do good. As Betsy, he doesn't have to hold himself carefully apart from Steve, just in case some residual conditioning kicks in. And when Steve looks at him, it's not with eyes searching for any hints of recognition, of a shared past. When he's a dog, he's Betsy -- not the murderer that is the Winter Soldier, not the decorated war hero that is Bucky Barnes. No one's going to try to use trigger phrases on a dog, nor would they put a dog on trial. He can just be there for Steve, plain and simple. And for that, he's willing to trade the inconveniences of a dog's life. 

Steve starts talking to Barton about the next bases on his list, and Bucky feels a pang of guilt. He needs to figure out a way to tell Steve that he can stop now, but Bucky can't do so without revealing what's happened to him, and the thought of doing *that* instantly kills any buzz he was getting from the beer. 

Back in the lab, when Steve crouched down and called him a good dog, Bucky'd realized the conundrum: he could signal to Steve that he's Bucky, and watch the disgust and horror on Steve's face as Steve realizes once and for all that his Bucky is gone. Or he could stay a dog forever and watch Steve chase after a phantom Bucky. Either way, Steve'd never get his Bucky back, whole and human. (Not that Bucky's been whole and human since 1943.) He'd briefly contemplated just staying in the lab and finding a quiet way to die, but when Steve got up to leave, he couldn't help but follow. Never could stop following the punk.

So now he's here, by Steve's side, drinking beer and swallowing bits of pizza that Steve puts in his mouth, and getting occasional head scratches from Steve. All while Steve worried himself sick about him.

He honestly didn't think that Steve'd come looking for him. Steve had Wilson. And Sharon Carter. And a whole team of people who would fight at his side at a moment's notice -- even when that meant fighting alongside a war criminal. Bucky knew that between his kill count and Steve's new life, he's not worth finding. Aside from a few worn jokes about Coney Island, he didn't have much to offer except strife and discord. So when Bucky put the Winter Soldier away in cryo in Wakanda, he'd figured that, sure, Steve'd be sad for a few days. Maybe a week. And then he'd move on. Move in with Wilson, maybe. Reconcile with Stark. Definitely not spend four months methodically taking down every potential HYDRA facility in search of a killer.

Maybe he means more to Steve than he thought.

Or at least, Bucky Barnes the human did. Now he's just a bitch with three legs and no tongue. He should tell Steve. Maybe type up a note on Steve's laptop, and then leave. He can probably figure out how to refill a water bottle from a stream. He can live out the rest of his life quietly, without bothering anyone. And Steve can finally move on. Stop wasting his time on chasing someone that doesn't exist. 

Laura is making noises about a group hike tomorrow, and Steve is bidding the Bartons good night. After they leave the Bartons, then. Bucky hurries to finish his beer and follow Steve to the upstairs guest room. It's bedtime, and Bucky tucks his morose thoughts away for now. He needs to savor bedtime, especially if there won't be that many of them left. Bedtime means sleeping next to Steve, which brings back happy memories from when Bucky was still human, from before the war.

Also because...

"Bucky?" Steve mumbles, asleep.

"I'm here, Steve," he says as he lays his good arm over Steve's shoulder. It comes out as "aaoom eea, uheem," but asleep-Steve catches the intonations of Bucky's tongue-less and lip-less guttural hums and mutters happily, "Hey, Buck. I'm happy to see you." 

Bucky smiles and says "Me, too." ("ee oo.") Even though talking with sleeping Steve has become a regular occurrence, it still feels like a miracle every single time. As if the curses laid on his life have been briefly lifted, and he can be the Bucky of Steve's dreams.

  


Steve frowns. "Buck, you've been here all this time, why didn't you tell me?"

Bucky wonders what kind of dream Steve's having tonight. Not a nightmare, but not something from their youth, either. Bucharest, probably. When Steve found him the first time. "I was afraid." ("ai uh ahuay.")

"Afraid of what? Of HYDRA?" Steve's frown deepens. "Of me?" 

"No! Not you." ("ooh! nom oo.") Bucky pauses to figure out his next words. Talking works best if they're short, familiar sentences. "Of what I've become." 

"So instead you hide from me and lie to me?" Steve's voice is harsh and accusatory, and his shoulders are sharp and tense under Bucky's arm. 

"I'm sorry, Steve." Bucky's heart is pounding fast. How is it that Steve can make his chest ache and eyes sting even when he's dreaming? Make Bucky blurt out the truth of things that he wouldn't even admit to himself? "I just figured you'd be happier without me." Bucky winces. Maybe the sentence is too long and Steve will just ...

"Happier without you, Buck? What the HELL." Steve is sitting bolt upright, eyes blazing.

Steve. With his eyes open. Looking directly at him.

Shit. 

Bucky turns tail and runs.

\----

Bucky is stopped by the bedroom door, because *of course* it has one of those round doorknobs that he'd need opposable thumbs for. And in that time, Steve's already looming behind him, grabbing at his hind leg.

"Bucky, what the hell are you doing!" Bucky shudders, half-expecting to hear a bell jingle on his collar.

There's nowhere to run.

Bucky turns back towards Steve, then flattens himself on all fours and puts his head down. As close to prostration as he can get. He closes his eyes because he's a coward. Please, Steve. Don't be angry at me. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for hijacking your dreams to talking to you. I'm sorry for not being your Bucky anymore. Do whatever you want. I'll take it like a good dog. Just don't be angry, please.

Somewhere above him, Bucky hears a heavy sigh. Then sounds of Steve sitting down next to him. And then the feeling of his calloused hand running through Bucky's fur.

"Bucky, it's okay. Don't be afraid of me. Please." Steve pauses. "I was just confused why you'd hide from me, but I'm not angry at you. Please. Talk to me again."

Bucky's jaws lock up at the thought of speaking to Steve, awake. Having Steve see him as he is. To see his best friend reduced to a mongrel.

"I don't know why you didn't tell me, Bucky." Steve keeps running his hands through his fur and scratching his head. All things he'd do with Betsy, except that this time he's doing it knowing the horror that lies underneath the fur. "But you clearly made a choice to, so..." Steve smiles and says gently. "I'll take what I can get." Bucky turns his head a little. That didn't make sense. Steve knows. And he was angry at Bucky's betrayal. But now...

"You make me better, Bucky." Steve continues, in that quiet voice he uses when he's thinking aloud. “When you went into cryo...I remember standing there, overcome by your selflessness. You gave up living your life so that you could protect the world from the off chance that you'd turn HYDRA again. And there I was, hiding in Wakanda instead of doing something about the Accords." Steve sighs, and moves to scratch Bucky's shoulders. "I started trying to fix things with Tony. Getting people together to re-write the accords."

"So when I heard mid-negotiation that you'd gone missing..." Steve's hand carefully draws back the hair at his left shoulder, and draws a quick breath when he sees the last two plates left over from his arm. "Oh Bucky, I should have gotten there earlier." Steve runs a gentle finger along the seams of the plates. Ironic that the only part of him that Echols didn't change was that. "Why didn't you tell me? Can't you see that I'm NOT happier without you, Buck?" 

And suddenly Steve's arms are all around him. Warm. Safe. 

Bucky can feel Steve's breath, warm against his shoulder, more moist than usual. Steve knows... and he is still here. Not angry. Maybe even near tears, though Bucky's only seen Steve cry once in his life, and that was after Sarah's funeral. He lifts his head and nuzzles Steve's chin, and mumbles, "Not your fault, Steve." If Steve'd come earlier, he would have come across a mutilated monstrosity. "Glad you came." Steve laughs, suddenly, his red-rimmed eyes crinkling with surprised joy. 

He pulls Bucky up into his lap, and grabs both his paws. "Are you comforting *me*? When *you're* the one who's been turned into a dog?"

Bucky cocks his head. He supposes it's what he does, where Steve's concerned. Dog or human or HYDRA weapon, he just can't get Steve out of his head. It is his curse. It is his blessing. 

Besides, being a dog isn't that bad.

He shrugs his shoulders, and then gently touches Steve's nose with his.

Steve's answering smile is absolutely radiant, and Bucky feels like smiling, too. There is a warmth in his chest: They're both still here. With each other. Then the warmth expands and turns into a yawn. Must be the beer catching up to him.

Steve yawns, too. Gets up and stretches, tall and beautiful. Bucky drinks in the sight. He's not leaving this. Not when Steve wants him, too. Steve catches him looking and gives his head an extra scratch. "I know some people who can undo this, Buck, if you want. But if you want to stay as you are -- well, we've been a good team so far, right?" 

Bucky answers by yawning again and leaping resolutely onto the bed. Whines and settles down. He's bone-tired, and the night's already given him enough to think about.

Steve laughs. "Yeah, we can figure out all that later. Plenty of time." When Steve gets into bed this time, he turns to face Bucky, and curls a protective arm around him.

Not a bad way to fall asleep, knowing that he'll wake up to Steve in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's a non-exhaustive list of what might come after. Please pick your favorite, or make up your own! :)
> 
> 1) Bucky decides to stay a dog, and spends the rest of forever by Steve's side, taking down HYDRA bases and running into alien conflicts. Tony makes him a better left arm, and also cool rocket boosters for his paws. With claw enhancements. Everyone loves petting him, and eventually even Lucky accepts him.
> 
> 2) Same as above, except that Bucky gets Helen to make him a new tongue so that he can talk better. Sometimes he stays behind and runs ops with Maria, who also has good taste in beer.
> 
> 3) It's a long and painful process, but with the help of Tony and Helen and Bruce, they manage to restore most of Bucky to human form. (The penis is gone, forever.) Bucky joins the Avengers and punches lots of bad guys with his new left arm. He has lots of sex with Steve. (He doesn't like things in his butt anymore, what with flashbacks of Jared's bajillion doggie butt plugs, but hey, he's got a vagina, might as well use it.)
> 
> 4) Turns out there's magical shenanigans in this world, and Bucky gets a collar that lets him switch between dog and human whenever he wants. So sometimes he's sparring with Steve in the gym or doing a quick beer and chips run. And other times, Steve comes home to find Betsy taking a nap on the couch. Steve is happy to provide head scritches whenever Bucky wants them. Even when Bucky's a human.

**Author's Note:**

> still nominally on the [tumblrs](http://thefilthiestpiglet.tumblr.com).


End file.
